Procrastination &; Dream

I’m totally STILL procrastinating on my research paper. Hmm… well I had a really weird dream last night:

Alright so in my dream me, my cousins, and my sister, were gonna smoke weed, but we didn’t have a lighter, and so they thought that is they put a straw in it and microwaved it that it’d light… or something like that. Anyways, so then AJ showed up, and we went outside for some reason, and there were these giant ass ladybugs, that were trying to kill each other. And it totally freaked me out. Then AJ turned into a Ladybug, and squashed all of them, and I went back inside the house. Then, my aunt was like, “Why does it smell like weed in here? Everyone come here and get a glass of water!”

That was the strangest dream I’ve ever had. Comments?~

2 comments March 2, 2009

The World &; Yourself {A Rant}

So, you know how people are all like: you gotta learn to Love yourself! Have Confidence (although I do have confidence. And I don’t really think my self-esteem is that low, but whatev.)! Well, that’s kind of hard to do when the entire world is working against you. Like: you gotta be at least this size, and you can’t have a shoe size bigger than 11, and you can’t be taller than a guy. And crap like that. How are you supposed to ignore all that, and be fine with who you are? I mean like, when I finally started to feel cool with who I was, I tried on an XL shirt and it didn’t fit… well it did, but it made me look like a stuffed sausage. And even when you’re trying so hard to feel good about youself, and once you get to that point when you do: It plummets. But whatever. I gotta quit being bored is what I gotta do, I gotta make my life more entertaining and less dull. The only problem with that is that I don’t feel that there’s anyone who’d currently be willing to give up their free time to hang out with me {besides Maddie {love ya maddles}}. I don’t know… I feel really left out and behind on things, I hate being belittled just because I haven’t had all the experiences as everyone else. Because I haven’t had sex, because I’ve never had a boyfriend, because I’ve never been kissed, and all that makes me a loser, who has no idea what I’m saying or talking about, because I haven’t had those experiences I don’t understand.

uhg~

…thanks for reading my rant… I know it kinda slipped off topic, but I wrote what I needed to get out.

2 comments March 2, 2009

Thoughts &; Wishes

1) I’m listening to Beauty School drop out. haha… it totall goes with one of my sis’s friends.

2) I wish I was less bossy.

3)  I wish I was more modest.

4) I wish I was cuter.

5) None of that’s probably gonna happen, but I can try to be better about it, right?

6) I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING!

7) I can’t wait ’til wednesday! fun fun!

8 ) I wish I could really confide in people.

9) I wish my friends could feel like they could confide in me, and open up to me.

10) I wish I’d loosen up.

11) I wish that I could make better conversation with people I don’t know so well, so that I could get to know them.

12) I wish I wasn’t as weird, and I wish that I had a really close friend, but recently I feel like I’m being pushed away.

13) I wish I could deal with all of this.

14) I’m gonna try to deal with this one at a time.

15) I wish that my friends would start conversations with me, rather than me starting one’s with them.

16) I’m starting to feel like I have to do everything myself.

17) I’m too effing insecure.

18) I want another clean start.

19) I want to hang out with all my old friends.

20) I want to be trusted.

2 comments March 2, 2009

I’ve decided to get one of these…

I honestly have no idea why I chose this theme, other than that I think it’s cute. I guess in this blog I’m gonna put my wishes dreams and recent events that’ve happened and some of my thoughts {kinda copying Maddie}.

So without further ado, here’s my blog!

Add a comment March 2, 2009